butterfly hope

John is a health care professional. During his time in health care he has had the opportunity to sit with dying patients. He has comforted grieving families.

He has also witnessed many health care miracles, which modern science could not explain. John has a unique perspective on non-traditional medicine and the role of God in health. John will share these perspectives with you, with a new column each month.

September 1, 2010

This month I am cheating!!!!!!! Instead of writing an article I am posting an e-mail my good friend Rhoda Holder passed on to me. I beleive is pertinent to all types of caregiving....even though the subject matter in this article is Alzheimers Disease. As a former employee of numerous nursing homes, I have seen this scenerio unfold countless of times.

The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

 I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I 
was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to 
remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to 
the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. 

He told me that she had been there 
for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. 

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every 
morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' 

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,'That is 
the kind of love I want in my life.' 

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message.. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you 
care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,

But how to dance in the rain.'

We are all getting Older

 Tomorrow may be our turn.

Enjoy life now-it has an expiration date! 

August 4, 2010

Cancer Sucks!

In the month of July, I lost two old friends to cancer; Pj Fleming (age 65) on July 9, and Guillo Cadena (age 40) on July 31. May their souls be at rest.

I had not seen either of them in quite some times. Actually I had not seen Guillo in over twenty years….so the news of his death of testicular cancer was shocking. He leaves behind a wife and two children. In the late 80s and early 90s we worked together at

I first met PJ and her husband Dennis when I moved to

Both these lives ended prematurely. Both left a void in their families that will only be filled by memories.

As reported on July 25, Lori Bari's health has taken a turn for the worse. I have exchanged

e-mails with her several times and have had the pleasure of speaking on the phone with her on numerous occasions. I request you continue to pray for Lori. God can perform miracles!

Cancer Sucks!  If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we cure cancer? It is time for us to demand congress to act. Legislation needs to be passed to allocate more money for cancer research. It is time for it to end.

July 25, 2010

                     Prayers Please!

I have recently been told an old friend of mine and former BF Hope columnist, Lori Bari, health has taken a turn for the worse. I have not spoken with Lori in several months so I am not certain I have all the facts straight. A friend told me that she had surgery a month ago on her liver; at the time they thought they had removed all cancer lesions. Evidently, some more tumors have appeared. At this time Lori is not a candidate for additional surgery or chemotherapy. I have e-mailed Lori to express my dismay over her condition; but as of this writing have not heard from her.

Lori is a special person and has touched so many lives in a positive fashion. Please remember her in your prayers; as well as her family.

Lord,

Please touch Lori with your grace and peace. May you bring your healing power to her; mind, body and spirit. Grant your presence in her life to provide her comfort in the time of her greatest need. Amen.

July 8, 2010

                                                 NOW

The following is my paraphrase of a story I read in a book in the 1980s, obviously it made an impact on me ~ as evidenced by me remembering the tale.

One day a man was taking a hike in the mountains. Out of nowhere, a giant grizzly bear attacked him. Fearing for his life he ran hoping to lose the bear. To his dismay the bear continued to chase him.

He raced up a trail, only to find that is ended ~ at a steep cliff.  As he turned around to head down the hill, he saw the bear gaining on him. Looking over the edge of the cliff he spied a limb growing out if the side of the mountain ~ so he jumped, just as the bear was about to maul him. With great luck the relieved man was able to grab hold of the limb to break his fall.

Just as he was about to drop to safety ~ he heard a ferocious roar. Standing directly underneath him, waiting for his supper, was a hungry tiger.

The man looked up and winced as the bear continued to stare at him. He then looked down at the hungry beast that awaited his fall. He noticed a strawberry growing on the side of the hill ~ so he reached over, picked it and ate it.

That was the end of the story. The message is clear ~ all we really have is “now.”

For more on this subject go to:

http://wisdomofgrayfeather.blogspot.com/

Jume 1, 2010

                               I Hope You Dance!

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/i-hope-you-dance-with-lyrics/f42aee977063102ff63df42aee977063102ff63d-87739467241

Recently I have taken up dancing! It is great exercise and a lot of fun. I have been working on The Zumba ~ which is a Brazilian Folk Dance that has been popularized as an exercise routine. My plan is to dance the Zumba as I usher the New Year in, on the streets of

Brazil this year ~ still need some practice ~ although I have been describe as graceful. I do other types of dancing too. My goal is to dance at least once a week.

Of course I am using dancing more as a metaphor ~ as a way of saying life if meant to be savored and lived ~ we were never supposed to sit on the sidelines. Others ways for me to dance are: playing tennis, canoeing, hiking in the woods, riding my bike and playing chess ~ all of which I do on a regular basis. I have found since I am becoming more of an active participant in life I am happier and feel freer than I have in years.

Regardless of your health status ~ doing things that make you feel alive will energize you and help lift depression. It does not have to necessarily involve physical exercise ~ it may be reading a good book or going to a play. The key is to do something. Studies have shown people who keep their minds and bodies active by doing things they like have a much better state of living than those who are inactive. So my advice: Dance!

For more on this subject and other inspirational and thought provoking ideas please visit my blog at: http://wisdomofgrayfeather.blogspot.com/

Feel free to become a follower ~ all are welcomed!

May 3, 2010

                     Family

What is important in life? Love…..health….happiness….family!

Quality time spent with family is so precious….and it never seems to last as long as we would like.

I just finished a canoe trip with my son, Nicholas. When he was a child we would spend many summer days going down the

….and the Iraq where he will be deployed into a military zone for 1 ½ years.

Family is what is important to me….and it is not just blood family. I am fortunate to have an extended family. People like Paul Crouch who is like my brother. My pals Tracy and Rita and Shawn, John and Meg who are always looking out for me. Cindy who is always a phone call away. Betty and Rhoda always keep in touch by phone, and are as dear as those close by. Then there is Concy….the most gentlest soul I have ever met….a person who calm demeanor soothes my soul. There are several more….but I won’t bore you with listing everyone. Friends/family are an important component in life….they help us get through the difficult times. My friends will help me keep my chin up while my son is away. When you are going through any crisis in life……..cling tightly to your friends!

When choosing friends, I look for people who are loyal and have integrity. Who when make commitments and strive to keep commitments. Choose your friends wisely...and they will be there when you need them.

April 3, 2010

                                             The Trinity of Time

The trinity of time = Past, present and future. When we expand too much energy ruminating about the past, or worrying about the future; we rob ourselves of the most important aspect of the trinity ~ the present.

The past is over…done….completed. We do not have a time machine to return to any place behind us and change it. We can, and should when appropriate, make amends. Our attitude toward it can change………and we can become to peace with it. If we chose, we can make the past into a valuable teacher to guide our present and future endeavors.

The future is guaranteed to come ~ yet we in our present condition are not guaranteed to be in it. Yes, it is good to plan for retirement……..get excited about an upcoming vacation……….a wedding….or any joyous event. However, obsessing on what might be, especially if we have no control over it, is fruitless. Actually it is counterproductive. Worry does not change things….and actually may even prevent us from obtaining peace of mind. If spend the majority of your time planning for a disaster…your death…someone else’s death……..it will not change the inevitable. So why bring misery to yourself before its time. Sometimes we run around like Chicken Little screaming: “The sky is falling.” It is wise to be a procrastinator with the future….put if off until tomorrow.

The real time to celebrate is the “Now.” This is the only time you really have. Take the time to smell all the roses along the way. Feel the freshness of the air….listen to the running water of the creek. Embrace what you have at the present. If you do this….you will find that you are calmer….happier………more positive people will want to be around you. As for tomorrow…….if you remain in the present….tomorrow will become a present ~ wrapped with many wonderful colors.

March 1, 2010

March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month! 

  March is Colon Cancer Awareness month. Usually I write about something that is more related to coping with life……but I feel an urge to write about colon cancer this month.

The fight against colon cancer became very dear to my heart several years ago when a close friend, Lori Bari was diagnosed with colon cancer. At the time she was 43 years old. Lori is a co-founder and former columnist for Butterflyhope. Thankfully she is a survivor. To read about her story log onto: http://healthmad.com/conditions-and-diseases/lori-bari-cancer-survivor/

Of all cancer deaths, Colon Cancer ranks number 2. That is a significant ranking!  The number one way to reduce the deaths is early detection. It is recommended that all people have a colonoscopy at age 50, or before if there are symptoms. What are early the early symptoms? Sometimes unless the doctor does a test for occult blood during your physical there are none…….until it is too late. I would highly suggest that when having a physical, to ask your doctor for an occult blood test. Even if the doctor does not think it is necessary….insist on it.

It pays to know your family history. If a member of your family have had colon cancer or polyps….get a colonoscopy at an earlier age. With a family history, your insurance company will authorize it. If you were adopted…..try to the medical history of your birth family. It pays to know your history.

With routine check-ups and being pro-active with your health, the damage done by colon can be greatly reduced.  

February 15, 2010

Live Like You Were Dying

When I listen to this song I reflect on the path my life has taken.

There have been some long straight roads, and those that had many curves.

Unfortunately there have been plenty of potholes too!

Or maybe it is fortunate that there have been potholes. These potholes have taught me many valuable lessons. Sometimes there needs to be a bit of disappointment before we can move forward.

Some of the valuable lessons are:

You should always show appreciation. Sometimes I would just assume that people understood I appreciated their kindness. Now I try to verbalize it.

It is never too late to make amends. For things I done wrong, I take responsibility. I always try to convey that to people that I have intentionally un-intentionally hurt. Sometimes the wrong can be corrected….sometimes that they can not.

The best way to live is with integrity. What does integrity mean? To me several things;

honesty (not just when it is convenient), reliability, treating others as I would have them me (no exception).

I have learned to love and cherish my family and friends. I will never let a misunderstanding or pride stand in the way of them.

I learned that today is a new day, yesterday is gone. Today I am free to start all over again. Today my goal is to be the man that God intended me to be.

Is there a point to this article? Maybe I am just trying to encourage everyone to take the time to learn from our experiences….and to live life to its fullest. It is never too late to start.

Janaury 12, 2010

Out with the old in with the new!

As we are finishing the second week of this New Year, I take a moment to think about the old, and how is replaced with the new. It doesn’t necessarily mean the old was bad, or “not as good.” Sometimes it is just time for a change.

Symbolically, at the end of 2009 I replaced the old and well used carpet in my house with wood floors. The carpet had served it purpose. Even though it probably had some wear in it (not really) I decided it was time for a change.

Just as the carpet had served it purpose, some of my habits have served their purpose. So as 2010 gets underway, it is time for change.

This year I am (once again) working on controlling my weight. This seem as it has been a life long battle, if they could only find food that was low in calories and actually tasted good. Prior to doing this, I accepted my “old weight” as part of me….and appreciated myself for who I was. By having the appreciation it keeps the subconscious mind from “bashing the old self.” It also takes less pressure off me, which helps me stay on track. I also compiled a list of reasons why I wanted to lose weight. 1) I will be healthier (although I have little health problems at present) 2) I will fit in my clothes better. 3) I will have more energy. I also recognize, whether I fail or succeed….I will always be me….which is good enough.

December 1, 2009 - reprint 2007

A Christmas Story

I am the persona of the “Grinch,” every Christmas season. I grumble about the lines, the crowds and the music. The closer to Christmas, the more I grumble. Finally, a week before Christmas, the Spirit hits me and I convert into a person that enjoys Christmas.

A few weeks ago, the minister at the church I attend, talked about service to others. He reminded us that during the Christmas season (and actually all year) that we should allow the Christ Spirit to shine through us by helping others. I knew he was not talking about dropping an extra five in the offering plate.

I decided that I would volunteer at a homeless shelter to serve dinner on Christmas day. I called the Salvation Army to joyously volunteer. They turned me down! I was told that they had enough volunteers. They did, however, offer me an opportunity to serve by being a bell ringer at Wal-Mart. Without hesitation I told the volunteer coordinator that I would have to consult my calendar to see if I could help during the hours they needed help.

Of course that was a lie. I knew that I could help. I had a few problems with “bell ringing.” It had just been a few days since I had accused the belling ringers (in my mind) as being “guilt ringer” (the Grinch in me).  Every time I passed them I felt compelled to give my loose change away. Secondly, I did not want anyone to see me.  I really prefer to be anonymous in my charitable activities. After much thought and prayer, I decided to do it.

As I was driving to my post, I telephoned a good friend. I confided in her that I was not really sure I wanted to do the bell ringing. I told her that I felt like a panhandler begging for money. She assured me that I was not being a panhandler.  I was simply wishing people a Merry Christmas, and providing them an opportunity to help, is they chose. She then reminded me of all the good work the Salvation Army provided to the community.

I arrived at my post at 5 pm. The lady I relieved was surprised to see me. She had been there since 10 a.m. and was not planning on leaving until 8 p.m. She was unaware that someone had volunteered for this time slot. It was the perfect opportunity to escape; but I did not.

While this lady was waiting for her ride, we talked. She had been involved with the Salvation Army for almost a year. She said because of all the good work that they do, she felt it was a privilege to help. She explained about helping a family that had recently lost their home to a fire. We talked about our children and grandchildren. We discussed Christmas’ past and about hopes for the future. Towards the end of the conversation she revealed that she was living at the Salvation Army. When she had no place to turn, they were there for her. She felt that it was her duty to give back to the community by volunteering.

One lady stopped by and placed ten dollars in the bucket. She related to me that when she was a young single mother, with no hope, the Salvation Army was there for her. She now has several grown children and countless grandchildren. It is her testament, if not for the Salvation Army; this would never have been possible.

On several occasions people I had met along life’s journey happened by. We talked for several minutes and caught up on old times. Some dropped money in the bucket, others did not. It was fun to see old faces.

People of all ages, gender and nationality gave money. Some a few pennies, others wads of bills. It was heartwarming to see mothers and fathers teaching their children the importance of giving. For the most part people gave because they wanted to. There were a few, very few, that gave because my bell was making them feel guilty.

The Lesson:

There was a group of adults and a few children standing in the parking lot talking.

Out of the group a young boy of about nine or ten approached me. His family appeared oblivious that he had left their group. He gave me a warm smile. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a 50 cent piece. He handed it me. “Mister,” he said apologetically, “I only have two of these. But I want you to have one of them. It is all I have to give.”

Through a child the meaning of Christmas is revealed.

Merry Christmas!

Update November 17, 2009

This month's column is going to be simple....yet complex. At the end there will be an exercise for the reader....a homework assignment.

Since this is a month of thankfulness, I am going to do a take off on David Letterman and do a list of the top ten things I have to be thankful for!

10. My book: "A Quest for Immortality"

09. My job

08. My ability to give

07. Books

06. Friends

05. My parents

04. Nature

03. My children

02. Lori

01. My relationship with God

Now the assisgment. Make your own list of top ten items that you are thankful for. To make the assignment legitimate (to force yourself to do it) e-mail it to me @ john@butterflyhope.com.

Have a great Thanksgiving! 

Updated October 12, 2009

   Colgate

The story was relayed to me by son, from his experiences at

, during basic training.

When looking at the group picture I noticed all the recruits had solemn serious military expressions on their faces, except for one young skinny man. The man (really just a kid) had a big grin, so big you could count all his teeth. I asked Nicholas about this boy. He smiled and said, “oh that is just Colgate, we call him that because he is always smiling

“He smiles when he is doing push-ups, when he was leaving the gas chamber, when the sergeant is yelling at us. He just smiles.”

It seems as Colgate has some struggles in basic training. Some of the physical training drills came hard to him. He did not do real well on some of this test. The fact is the morning of graduation; he was still attempting to pass some of these tests. If he did not pass them, he would have to start the nine weeks of basic training all over.

The reason I mention this, is that one thing Colgate could do was run. He could run long distance, could sprint short distance. In basic training the new recruit would get very little sleep, some nights none, other nights two to three hours. The army does this to “toughen” the recruits and to stimulate real life combat scenarios. There were several recruits that were having great difficulty in mastering the art of running. They were in danger of going back to the beginning. Colgate would get up two hours early everyday to work with these men, to coach them on running. He would run with them, give them tips. Thanks to Colgate they all passed their running test.

Shouldn’t we all be like Colgate…putting the needs of others before ours? Taking the time to lend a helping hand. One only regret at the graduation story was that I did not get an opportunity to shake Colgate’s hand. Though I do not know him, and probably will never meet him, I am proud of what he represents. Incidentally, he passed his test. I never want to be in a fox hole, but if I were I would want Colgate with me.

Updated September 11, 2009

The Voice of God

Not long ago…I stopped to pause a second

      to hear the voice of God

It was early morning on a Mexican beach

       though it could have been anywhere

To the west of me were tall cement buildings

        attempting to reach the heavens

To the east of me was a double sun; sunrise

         signifying a new beginning

The turquoise waves effortlessly came to shore

             as they have done for centuries

In the far western sky was a full blue moon

                 smiling as I walked

For a second….I paused and I listened

             to the voice of God

Updated August 4, 2009

Did the smiley face make you grin from ear to ear? If so good! That was the intention. Being an observer of people, I believe that we do not smile enough (me included). Some will argue that there just hasn’t been enough to smile about. I strongly disagree. I want to mention a few scientific reasons to put on a happy face!

1. Smiling makes appear more attractive. People are naturally drawn to people that appear happy.
2. Smiling makes we appear more successful. Polls around the country indicate that people who smile a lot appear to be more confident.
3. Smiling changes our mood. Sometimes when you are feeling a bit depressed…try smiling for a few minutes. See if it elevates your mood.
4. Smiling boost the Immune System. Don’t ask me how…but studies show that you will have a better immune system if you exercise your lip muscles.
5. Smiling is a stress buster. It helps you relax which naturally helps reduce stress. It also signals your body to reduce endorphins which is a hormone that aids in feeling happy.
6. Smiling reduces your blood pressure. Medical test happen proven that smiling will cause a measurable drop in blood pressure.
7. Smiling will make people wonder what you are upto!